old head shot

“Some day you’ll look back at this picture and think how young you looked then.  My husband said this the other day as he was trying to snap a picture of me with his phone and I, yelling, “No, I look so old” was hiding my face behind a hat.

A few years ago, a good friend brought over a picture of me she’d found while cleaning out an old trunk.  It was an 8 x 10 headshot from my acting days.  I was 27 when the picture was taken. Looking at the picture, what shocked me was how pretty the girl in the photo was.  I brought it in to my daughters bedroom with me later that night when I went to tuck her in, hiding it behind my back, I asked my pumpkin , all of 10, still holding onto those round baby cheeks, “Do you know who this is?” I pulled out the 8 x 10 – “Oh, Mom, you were so pretty”, she sang gleefully.  Not sounding as shocked to discover it as I am.

I never felt pretty back then, when that photo was taken.  Not for a second.  For me, taking those pictures was always painful.  Cute, I might be cute, but not pretty, never.  This became my Belief and the belief got in my way on many occasions.  Sitting in casting offices as a young actress diligently rehearsing my lines, I’d catch the word “pretty” or ” beautiful ” in the character description and the Oh- No- Not- Me bell would ring.

Why? Was it because when I was a little girl my face was the backdrop for an ungodly amount of freckles.? So much so that the most frequently asked question of me in grade school was, “How long do you think it would take to count them all?”  So much so that years later when most of them faded and that question stopped being asked of me, I never noticed?

Maybe, Or maybe not, And it almost doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that it got in my way.  Robbed me of truth, of time, of the ability to appreciate myself in  the moment.

Damn! I was pretty and didn’t even know it! Couldn’t even see it, my eyes were blurred by a belief I don’t even remember the true origin of, how foolish is that?

It’s graduation season.  Young uns’ are heading out the door and into life.  My advice to all the lovely girls and boys is check your beliefs – Make sure they are real, make sure they are positive and if they are not, dump them and get new one’s – Because whatever you believe, will be true for you.  God knows you don’t want to miss being pretty.

Leaving the surface and getting into deeper waters here, let me honor and quote the now late, forever great Maya Angelou,  “”quotes-maya-angelou-1-hires[1].

 

Big share this week.  LA’s Hammer Museum.  Always free with so much to see and a wonderful lecture series. It’s my new favorite place and share! http://hammer.ucla.edu/visit

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