Starting out with a sob story this week, but no worries; I wont belabor it. It’s reminiscent of my disaster last summer that I chronicled on HuffPo and . Achievable if you care to make that leap!

Here is a picture of my first rose of the season. They have been slow bloomers extraordinaire, my sweet roses, scaring me into fearing they might not bloom until the fall. I saw this dear one as a bud and literally jumpted with joy. It was more like a hop and squeal , but it’s what passes for me jumping these days! It opened yesterday in all it’s glory; face turned towards the sun saying thank you I’ve arrived, in that secret language shared by sun and flowers ’round the world. I thought about clipping it and giving it to my husband, nice little love gift, first rose in my garden etc.  and then decided to let it adorn my garden for another day or two.

Bad call. Some schmuck ate it last night. Am ” mad as hell and not going to take it anymore” (for any of you who remember the movie Network) not to mention thoroughly confused as to who the culprit is. Am seriously considering pitching a tent in my garden so I can find out. They took my tomatoes last summer. I’ll be damned if they’re taking my roses this summer!

Sob story over! We get to move on to the real heart of this latest yakety yak: (and btw, wish you would yak back…)Friendship.

This is a subject I’ve been noodling for decades. As the mother of two girls I’ve witnessed, dissected, and tried to analyze the dynamics of friendship up close and personal for over 25 years. Boy are girls more complicated in friendships than boys. That is a fact. Anything else I say on the subject is supposition. Not entirely true; another fact is I couldn’t live without friends. I think we all need at least one, if not many, and are blessed if we have a few true friends who are there with us through the good, bad and boring indifferent.

The pull, the attraction, the chemistry, perhaps, that draws one to another as a friend is natural, but friendship in its self is a learned thing. Watching my girls from the sandbox up, I’ve learned that. Going through my own relationships with friends over the course of my life has also taught me that. Wait…another fact; I am a much better friend today than I was at 12 or 25, for sure. The key element in friendship is trust and as we know true trust is experiential and is developed over time. I use to tell my girls, “if you want a friend , be a friend.”

Think of what you want in a perfect friend. Make a wish list with the qualities you want/need in a perfect friend and be that friend yourself.

Piece ‘a cake…but like a great cake, a lotta work, and some, if not a lot, of trial and error.

We can say because women are complicated our friendships can be complicated. We can say that and it would be true, but the truest of all would still have to be, “do unto others as you would have them do to you.”

Months ago I was standing around with a couple of friends at a gathering waiting for another friend to arrive. She was very late and the subject turned to her habit of always being late. ( Here is where I raise my hand and say GUILTY…a no no I myself have had to work on.) In the course of discussing our friends habitual lateness and the affect it had on us, individually and as a group, we jointly came up with the idea of a “friendship contract.” Like a marriage contract or a business partnership contract, my gal pals and I gave birth to the notion of a friendship contact between good friends. This  kind of thing , lets face it, can only be between BFF’s . Many of you might be thinking right about now  that a friendship contract is redundant because those things go unsaid, but the thing is, they don’t! Spell em out, Girls! The clearer, cleaner, and more concise we can be about our needs, wants, and expectations the more chance we have of getting them met.

Example: Years ago I worked for someone who stressed that whenever I  answered the phone and put someone on hold that I must get back on the line within 30 seconds even if it was to ask the person to hold a little longer. He was very adamant about this, insisting that anything longer than 30 seconds was being rude. To this day I hate when a friend puts me on hold longer than 30 seconds. I get a physical reaction when I hear, “hold on a sec” especially with certain friends whose idea of a sec is more like five minutes. Do any of them know that my colon is starting to spasm at 31 seconds and counting? Why would they unless I told them.

Obviously that would be in my contract. Line 4) Do not put me on hold for more than 30 seconds without returning to my call.
Food for thought, gang? So am I getting anyone to yak back yet? This subject isn’t a one blog entry for sure. It’s an exploration I invite you all to partake in. What would be in your friendship contact? Over the next few months or so I’d love to dig into this with anyone willing to play, and will be sharing some of my friends friendship contracts, and really invite you to join the conversation.

And as far as sharing, caring and what we are wearing these days;  BIG Doings!

Girlfriend and writer Judi Sadowsky who packed the Rogue Theater to the rafters and beyond in June is doing a repeat reading of her one woman show, Things My Mother Never Told Me, on Thursday night at the Rogue Theater 5041 W. Pico  Blvld. Talk about taking your turn and being brave and brilliant! Wanna be inspired? Go Rogue!

Girls and Boys get thee to SAKS ASAP…70% off the best stuff! Run don’t walk! And no, I’m not on commission. And much to my husbands deep regret I never will be!

Also,  Excellent summer read; Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi. A  Los Angeles Review Of Books recommend. Even better than 70 off at Saks! first rose

Summer love to all XXXX AOS





One Response

  1. Love the blog. Great food for thought. Never thought about the correlation of cultivating roses like cultivating friendship until I read this. This confirms also follow your first mind–presenting your first rose of the season.
    I love the idea of a friendship contract. The issues that causes break ups often times are never understood. Clear communication and clarifying standards with a friendship contract can be a lifesaver. Thank you for caring to share.
    Always love suggestions for a good summer read.

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