As infuriating as it was telling, the black Prius in front of me was being driven by an A Hole. This is my new favorite expression, A Hole, taken from a character on some TV show playing in the background as I passed through the family room the other day.

“That guy’s a real AHOLE somebody was saying in real New York –ESE.

Really dumb and vulgar I’m enjoying using A Hole lately but am sure it wont be for too long. Given the vulgarity element.

Keeping a good speed in front of me the Prius, black and looking brand new it was so clean, un-dented and well kept, was being driven by a guy who stuck his arm out of the fully opened drivers side window and flicked his cigarette ashes to the window. The dude was driving a Prius like a number one Grade A Citizen, flicking the asses off his lit cigarette out of his open Prius window like a Grade A Dumbbell. Driving up my canyon that can go up in flames in a heartbeat in a city in the midst of a drought is not only bad form, uncouth it’s a major fire hazard. And who in LA who could pass a driving test would not know we are in a drought here in LA , it’s canyons being the most easily flammable.

What a dumb A HOLE I said loudly following the dude close enough to see he was A) a dude and B) clueless. Seriously, my car was so close I saw his eyes in his rear view mirror. Clueless as to WTF he was doing.

That black Prius Mirroring and shouting back at me the hypocrisy we all perform and engage in mindlessly way too often, here Am I making myself clear here as I’m hitting the keys with a vehemence and experiencing acid dripping into my esophagus at this moment.

Ok so I’m driving right behind this A Hole listening to BB King sing Hummingbird from the Indiana Mississippi Seed CD I found at Amoeba , happy to be heading home on a Friday afternoon before the line from Sunset to Mulholland through my canyon road starts snaking even slower, when I see the hand out the window flick the ashes again. This continues up the hill with more ash being flung out into the air, perchance to fly freely into an open car window and into a child’s open eye. A possibility. There’s no child in my car but I don’t know what’s going on in the cars behind me. and I become irate.

BB is singing “My hummin’ bird, my sweet lil hummin’bird and I’m saying out loud “if this guy throws that lit cigarette out into my canyon, I’m gonna haul his Prius ass off the road. As I’m saying this out loud to BB and myself I’m also thinking no one would be that dumb as to toss a lit cigarette into the middle a canyon that’s browner than green in Drought Land 2014.

No one, right? One would assume.
Then there he went. Tossing that red tipped flaming mother right out the window.
Assume nothing, no matter how good a thing looks.
One of life’s important lessons.

Oh I was self righteously furious and still have his license plate number on my home phone answering machine. I was trying to snap a picture of it the way the kids would have with my phone, was actually pretending to, hoping the A Hole up ahead would see me and get scared, but I couldn’t quite get it, so I hit “home “and read it into my answering machine where it hasn’t been erased or called in.

And if it weren’t for the fact that sharing space with my fury is the knowledge that I’ve been the asshole driving the Prius before, I might know what to do with it.
I have. We all have.

There’s a blessing in witnessing it up close and personal.

Think about it. One unconscious slip up, one forgetful trip back to bad behavior, and not all of the small carbon footprints and cleaner fuel injections in the entire world will keep my canyon from going up in flames.

Isn’t that always the way it is in life no matter what you drive… so being dumb even for a moment is never an option.

What I think I’ll do is write the license plate down and be on the look out for it. And if I come upon that black Prius give that young man/A Hole/ Dumb dude a bit of a talking to like the Jewish Mother I can be. Perhaps if I say it nice and catch more bees with honey the way I suggest others to do, he won’t fling any more butts out of car windows. If he acts like a dick , there’s always the fire department and the DMV.

Truth is, just writing about it helps me with my anger towards the A Hole and hopefully reinforces the notion of staying conscious at all times. None of us want or need to go up in flames, do we gang?


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